There are so many names given to the youngest child in a family. Brat, spoiled, baby, and the list goes on. And every single one I detest. I am the youngest in my family. Because of that, people presume that I am all of those things. Yes I was the “baby”, and yes I was spoiled-not to my liking though. Ever since I was a child I had gotten whatever I wanted, or whatever my older sister, Caitlyn, wanted. I’ve always loved her, and as her little sister, always wanted her to be happy. And she was.

          Caitlyn was the “Little Miss Perfect” in our family. In high school she had perfect grades and was very popular. Even in church she was popular. With the flawless thin body, the prettiest smile and the most exotic green eyes, my sister was gorgeous. It always looked like the sun had kissed her skin; it was the beautiful bronze shade that shined! Her brown curls traveled to her lower back that gave her elegance. Being the humble, Christian girl Caitlyn was, she was too modest to admit that she was beautiful.

          Now, one might think that I am jealous of Caitlyn. Well, to tell the truth, I am. I mean, yeah I was good at school, but never popular, more like the outcast. My body was never as thin and as perfect as hers. And I had to fix my smile with braces during my adolescence, while she was born with the perfect smile. My eyes were just as green as hers, but they never held that “exotic” gleam. I never had a tan in my life; I was always pale and will always be. My chocolate hair is thick, medium length and curly. I was an ordinary, plain girl.

          It may seem that I despise my sister; I don’t. I despise being her little sister. My whole life I’ve always been known as “Caitlyn’s little sister”, and never just “Gwen”! I was a child in their eyes. Since they knew my sister, they thought that it was enough; they didn’t need to know me. Because of that and my shyness towards others, I didn’t have many friends. Unlike my sister, I wasn’t outgoing. Never was I able to go up to someone and say “Hi I’m Gwen and you are?” I was the person in the background, the “nobody”; I was the one that was never noticed. Since I wasn’t that social, I spent much of my time in my room reading, studying, or listening to music. In a way, these made me mature faster in my young life.

          I also had an older brother, Allen, ten years older than I, so we were never that close. In our family, he was the “brainiac”; he had a full time scholarship to Harvard to be a lawyer. Since he was gone most of my teenage life, I can’t really say much about him. He calls us whenever he can…about once a month.

          Like my brother, my father wasn’t around a lot. He’s a doctor, and when fathers are doctors…they don’t have time for their family. I can’t really blame him though. It’s his passion; he loves to help people. And what better way to help someone than by saving their lives? I remember when I was a child, it would bother me. I hated it that he was gone all the time. But as I grew up, I learned to get over it. I learned to adapt with the absence. And life goes on…

My mother, Lord bless her soul, is the sweetest person that I know. She’s your average house wife; yet at the same time, she’s not. She’s always there for her family no matter what. I have noticed in my life that she had tried to fill in the gap that my father had left in our family. For that, I love her. She has this humor in her that I can’t help but laugh at. It’s sarcasm. Mum always had very youthful taste. Most of the clothes that I have are bought by her, and I’m not ashamed of that. Never was I embarrassed of my mum. We are very close, there were many nights when we would just stay up and talk. Yet for some odd reason I was never able to tell her about everything. Yeah, I told her more than any ordinary daughter tells their mom, but there are some things that I hide from her…and it’s hard. 

Many can say that my life in a way was dull. From day to day I was alone in my house for 15 years of my life. As I said before, since I wasn’t that social I would stay in my room…away from the world. Even with the comfort of my books and music, I was lonely; until that one summer when I was sixteen.

My cousin from Ireland came to live with us. Her parents had been killed by a car accident. Their deaths had a big impact on all of our lives, especially my cousin, Fiona. It was a big move for her to come all the way to America. It took her a while to adjust, but she soon knew that it was time to move on.

Despite the tragic incident, I was happy that Fi was moving in with us. She was one of my favorite cousins. Fi was a few months younger than I, so we were incredibly close. We were always together when she would come to visit. We were inseparable, so I thought that her moving in would be great… I was wrong.

My cousin was more like my sister, beautiful and outgoing. She was never afraid to approach someone, always the talkative one. The first time I realized how alike she and Caitlyn were when we were invited over a Jonathan’s house, a friend of Caitlyn. I remember a couple of guys showing off to each other how well they could play the guitar. My cousin went towards them, picked up a guitar, and started to play a song. Fi was an excellent guitarist. Everyone was blown away after she had played a few songs. For the rest of the night she played the guitar and joked around with everyone while I was left on the couch across from them…alone. I do not wish to seem selfish, but I didn’t enjoy sitting there oblivious to the world. Loneliness plagued my heart again, tears filled my eyes and my chest began to hurt. Not wanting to make a scene, I excused myself and went home. I guess no one noticed that I left, because the day after Fi was wondering why I wasn’t there.

The pain in my chest I had that night, I will explain that I had in my chest. Since I was a little child I have had a weak heart. It was always troublesome for me. Because my heart is in such a terrible condition, I was never able to do the things in life that I’ve dreamed to do. Never was I able to ice skate, to ski, or even to ride a bicycle. But what upsets me the most is that because of this weak heart of mine, I will never be able to go to my true home; Ireland. Everyone in my family has been there at least once; everyone except for me. Even though everyone brings back pictures and videos, it’s not the same. I yearn for Ireland. For the valleys and hills, the sweet Irish air, for everything that a photograph can’t give me. Mother always told me that I am Ireland, and that Ireland is in me; I pray to be united with such a glorious place. Though I believe that this cursed heart is keeping me from what I love.

It has been many years since that lonely night, and I am now twenty years old, a woman. Within those long four years, I’ve become distant from Caitlyn and Fi. They now go off together to other churches praising God with the band they’ve created; and leave me here. It doesn’t bother me as it did at first, and why should it? They’re praising God, I should be ecstatic; yet it hurts that they don’t include me anymore. I haven’t changed much from that lonely sixteen year old girl in the past. But, I feel in this cursed heart of mine, that this year my life is going to change, that nothing will be the same again.