Relationships can unlock the deeper parts of us and direct us to authentic spiritual development

Focus on the importance of relationships in personal spiritual formation, particularly the relationship with a spiritual director,  - the Holy Spirit -  who looks deeply into our lives and asks us piercing questions. That’s the way to healing the hurt places in the soul. What does that kind of spiritual direction look like? What happens in the relationship? We’ll explore that issue in this study.

The usual routine of worship and devotional activities wasn’t enough for Larry Crabb; he needed more. He needed someone to bounce his doubts against, someone who had permission to bounce them right back and to ask him tough questions.

Despite our talk of a personal relationship with Christ, Crabb says, our Protestant expression of faith is often about proper behaviors and spiritual regimes and maintaining “quiet time” as the shield against temptation and a broom for the cluttered soul. But what we talk about most—relationship—is what was missing in his spiritual development. So the thoroughly evangelical Crabb found himself reading the works of contemporary Catholic mystics and ancient church fathers who specialized in the interior life and the work of the Holy Spirit. He also began seeking out human beings to ask him pointed questions and demand honest answers from him.

Spiritual direction, is emerging among evangelical Protestants as a way to put flesh on the work of the Holy Spirit. Spiritual direction is like mentoring, in that one person directs and the other is directed; and it is like counseling, in which personal issues are explored. But spiritual direction is not teaching or conveying information, which is what a mentor usually does, and discussion is usually limited to spiritual issues rather than psychological issues.

DISCOVER THE ETERNAL PRINCIPLES

1. The foundations of spiritual direction should be biblical and relational.

The renewal of interest in spiritual direction is born out of the writings of Christian mystics, who call their readers to a deeper inner relationship with Christ. That makes some people nervous. What is a mystic, anyway?

Christian mysticism does not involve smoke and mirrors. While it is about experience, true Christian mysticism is not based on what the writers feel or do but on how they live out biblical teachings in their relationships with God and with others.  It isn’t naval gazing, either. Rather, Christian mysticism is a healthy examination of the inner spiritual life and how it affects our relationships.

Our practice of spiritual direction is built on biblical as well as relational principles. That is important. For evangelical Christians, the Bible is the standard for our devotional lives and our ethical practices. Spiritual direction, per se, is not prescribed by the Bible, but the practice is clearly evident in the lives of Jesus, Paul, David, and many others.

We could cite many biblical references for establishing a foundation for spiritual direction, but for this study we will limit ourselves to three. These verses will help us see the need for spiritual direction and what happens in the process:

a. Why we should focus on the inner person. Jesus’ confrontation with the Pharisees in Matthew 23:25–27 answers any doubts about the importance of looking inward. Many of the spiritual disciplines we practice as evangelicals are prescribed outward behaviors—reading, studying, serving, attending. It is assumed that structured external activity will have internal impact, but Jesus’ words to the pious Pharisees demolish that argument. The Pharisees were painstaking keepers of the law. Their outward behavior was impeccable, but inwardly their spirits were dead and their souls rotten. Jesus likened these men to graveyards, well tended on the outside but inside filled with dry bones.

Jesus’ image of a cup that is clean on the outside but dirty on the inside is a warning for we who are faithful to our church attendance and devotional practices, thinking those activities will keep our souls in order. We need to stop now and then to carefully examine the heart. We look good on the outside, but just how clean are we?

b. How the Bible fits into spiritual direction. Hebrews 4:12 addresses that. To answer whether we are clean before God and alive and growing in our relationship with him, we must allow ourselves to be held up to his standard. God’s Word pierces us to the core, takes us apart, forces us to examine those parts, and brings us to confession of sin. Scripture tells us who we are and who God wants us to be in Christ. Spiritual direction points us back to Christ by showing how far we have strayed from him. It reveals the dirt. It shows us where we need to grow.

c. What a spiritual director does. Proverbs 20:5 demonstrates the role of the listener in spiritual direction. Sometimes we need the help of others in making biblical discoveries about ourselves and applying those findings. A partner in the process tunes in to our hearts, sensing things we sometimes can’t see because we are too close to the situation. This verse shows two important characteristics of a spiritual director: (a) he is willing to probe deeply, and (b) he is a person not just of knowledge, but of understanding.

2. Sometimes the process of spiritual direction is confrontational.

Let’s consider the account of Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well as an example of spiritual direction.

Read John 4:1–26.

It is important that we study Jesus’ actions in this encounter. Here he serves as a spiritual director, making few but direct comments to the woman. He starts with a question, and he never lets her stray from the subject.

His opening salvo seems to be a simple request for water. But when a Jewish man asks a Samaritan woman for assistance, it becomes a loaded question. As is usually the case with Jesus, he is really asking a spiritual question. He is also inviting the woman into relationship. Samaritans and Jews were bitter enemies; men and women did not have casual conversations on the streets. Yet Jesus welcomes the Samaritan woman to speak to him and to demonstrate compassion for him by helping him.

When the woman, an outcast because of her immoral behavior, attempts to sidestep the invasive nature of Jesus’ comments, he brings her back to the issue of her spiritual condition. When she attempts to over-spiritualize their discussion by talking about doctrinal issues rather than her personal sin, Jesus again brings her back to topic.

His spiritual direction is frank, even blunt. But sharp confrontation has its reward. The woman meets the Messiah, comes to faith, and finds in him the springs of living water she so desperately needs to flush out the stagnant places in her soul and in her relationships.

As a director, Jesus’ method is the model outlined:

(1)(1) Jesus helped the woman recognize the ugly reality of her sinful life. (2)  He helped her detach from her idols (sinful, sexual relationships, and also the Samaritans’ mountaintop worship center) and attach to God (in the person of the Christ before her).  (3)  Jesus helped the woman move toward God and to so bask in his love that she was compelled to share the news of this true love with the men of Samaria, who knew about her previous failed attempts to find love.

3. We often need help recognizing the Holy Spirit’s work in our souls.

I believe real change is possible, but from the inside out rather than from the outside in. The emphasis is not on changing circumstances but on guiding people to realize where they are and to change themselves within those circumstances.  The Christian life is not about formulas. Neither is spiritual direction. It is learning to spot the work of the Holy Spirit in places where people hurt. It requires that we allow the Spirit to work in us. As David said in Psalm 51:6, “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.”

Our attitudes and actions spring from our value system and our values are derived from our core beliefs.
 

 
So if you're concerned that young people might make wrong choices that will bring them pain, instill right values within them based on solid biblical beliefs. Because unless they have a foundation built on biblical beliefs, you can expect their lives will reflect the pain and consequences of wrong choices.

Modern spirituality begins and ends with the self; Christian spirituality, with the Alpha and Omega.